Umm Zakiyyah: But Do You Feel Safe with Him?

[Bilal Mahmud المكافح المخلص]

"From my earliest memories of childhood, anxious people-pleasing defined my existence," Umm Zakiyyah says. "It wasn't

until my late thirties that I began to even process the meaning of self-care. After that, it took several more years for me to understand the meaning and necessity of self-love. But it wasn't until after my second divorce, when I was in my forties, that the concept of feeling emotionally safe held any meaning or significance for me at all."

In this personal testimony, which is part memoir, part self-help, Umm Zakiyyah, internationally acclaimed author of If I Should Speak, His Other Wife, and Before You Become His Garment in Marriage, shares ten reasons why prioritizing being "feminine" as defined by the male gaze not only causes long-term harm to the woman herself, but also makes the experience of true, deeply felt love impossible. When this performative womanhood comes at the price of a woman's authenticity, it is a sign that the woman does not feel emotionally safe in her relationship.

She says, "So often as women, we spend so much of our lives auditioning and performing for a man's heart, wondering if he'll be the one to finally choose us. It is only after years of this exhaustive tap dancing that we come to realize we should have focused on winning our own hearts and choosing our own selves."

[Bilal Mahmud المكافح المخلص]

[Bilal Mahmud المكافح المخلص]

Umm Zakiyyah is a bestselling, award-winning author of more than twenty books, including novels, short stories, and self-help. Her books are used in high schools and universities in the United States and worldwide, and her work has been translated into multiple languages. She has a BA degree in Elementary Education, an MA in English Language Learning, and Cambridge's CELTA (Certificate in English Language Teaching to Adults). She has more than fifteen years experience teaching writing and has worked as a consultant for Macmillan Education. Umm Zakiyyah has traveled the world training both first-time authors and published writers in story writing. Her clients include journalists, professional athletes, educators, and entertainers.

[Bilal Mahmud المكافح المخلص]

Kofi Bilal Mahmud Eid AlFitr 1443 A.H.

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Kofi Bilal Mahmud

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